It's been a while...quite a while actually since I wrote, and not because I wasn't thinking about it...its just that...I was being plain lazy. Can't call it writer's block just yet, haven't been writing as much, have I?
Anyway, focus! Have been feeling really blue these days, and have no idea why. Actually I do have quite the idea, but well, if something's being bothering you for a very long while, does it still qualify as the reason when it has been, well, forever. It definitely feels like forever to me. I lost my mother, and the fact is, I can't get over it. I don't think I ever will. It's like, a part of me, a really important part of me...or rather, the most important part of my being, is gone. Just like that. No byes, no last words, no nothing. She was just gone. The past one year and two months have been a nightmare. And it didn't help that my life went through so many changes all at the same time. To be very precise, I think the past year was a whirlpool. I accomplished the most important thing in my life (my MBA), my sister got married, I started to get chummy with my father...well some things just never change, but ya, he and I started to get to know each other all over again. And it wasn't easy, at all! So now, the state I often find myself in, is confused. When I am enjoying I feel guilty about it, when I'm not I'm thinking about ways to lighten myself up. I really don't know what I want anymore! I remember being really passionate about every little thing. Now, I don't know who I am. And Mummy's death has also made me realize, life ends, just like that, so I'd better live it to the fullest, before my time comes.
So here goes, the first bit, to figure out, my favourite things:-
1. Watching plants grow from teeny tiny seeds to well, plants
2. Buds blossoming into flowers
3. Learning something new
4. Solving puzzles et al that come in the paper everyday
5. Cooking something new, specially baking
6. Talking to someone who makes me laugh
7. Solving a tough problem
8. Sitting on a beach watching the sun set
9. Talking to a total stranger
10. Trying a different dish
11. Reading a book
12. Going through old photographs and cards
Will add things as and when I think of them. But so far, it seems I have it covered. At least, I won't die with the regret that I didn't do any of my favourite things. Next time, my wishlist.
Anyway, focus! Have been feeling really blue these days, and have no idea why. Actually I do have quite the idea, but well, if something's being bothering you for a very long while, does it still qualify as the reason when it has been, well, forever. It definitely feels like forever to me. I lost my mother, and the fact is, I can't get over it. I don't think I ever will. It's like, a part of me, a really important part of me...or rather, the most important part of my being, is gone. Just like that. No byes, no last words, no nothing. She was just gone. The past one year and two months have been a nightmare. And it didn't help that my life went through so many changes all at the same time. To be very precise, I think the past year was a whirlpool. I accomplished the most important thing in my life (my MBA), my sister got married, I started to get chummy with my father...well some things just never change, but ya, he and I started to get to know each other all over again. And it wasn't easy, at all! So now, the state I often find myself in, is confused. When I am enjoying I feel guilty about it, when I'm not I'm thinking about ways to lighten myself up. I really don't know what I want anymore! I remember being really passionate about every little thing. Now, I don't know who I am. And Mummy's death has also made me realize, life ends, just like that, so I'd better live it to the fullest, before my time comes.
So here goes, the first bit, to figure out, my favourite things:-
1. Watching plants grow from teeny tiny seeds to well, plants
2. Buds blossoming into flowers
3. Learning something new
4. Solving puzzles et al that come in the paper everyday
5. Cooking something new, specially baking
6. Talking to someone who makes me laugh
7. Solving a tough problem
8. Sitting on a beach watching the sun set
9. Talking to a total stranger
10. Trying a different dish
11. Reading a book
12. Going through old photographs and cards
Will add things as and when I think of them. But so far, it seems I have it covered. At least, I won't die with the regret that I didn't do any of my favourite things. Next time, my wishlist.
2 comments:
Nice one ! I am surprised watching tv is not on the list :)
lately it does seem like one has to make a lot of effort to be happy..life seems to suck out all the happiness out of you..It always helps to go back to basics;the simple things in life tend to bring great joys.
Thanks a lot dreamer...it may sound ironic but I am a couch potato too...but it brings us in a vegetative state...doesn't necessarily make me happy. :)
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